


"Marry Me? ...How About Now? Or... Now?"

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Guy Fieri - Freeform - Freeform, Humor, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Shironeki | White-haired Kaneki, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also very fluffy and sweet the teen and up thing is only for mild swearing and stuff, but is a cinnamon roll as well, but is also a cinnamon roll always and forever, have fun muffins, hide has bad luck, kaneki doesnt know whats going on, literally the cutest thing ive ever written, pretend i didnt write that last one, rEALLY FLUFFY OKAY, should i change it to general?, to compensate for the pain of canon, you are not even ready
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide decided it was high time he proposed to Kaneki, so he did so.</p><p>And that didn't work, so he did it again.</p><p>And again.</p><p>And... again.</p><p>How does Kaneki keep not noticing what he's doing, seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Marry Me? ...How About Now? Or... Now?"

**Author's Note:**

> or in which the author is a sadist but at the same time is extremely nice and fluffy
> 
> also not a thing where hide keeps nagging a boy who says no i dont wanna be married, it is literally just that kaneki doesnt notice what hes doing lmaoo
> 
> this is a trainwreck but it's a cute one my own work is making me blush and laugh is that narcissistic whatever enjoy

It was the time at last. Hide was going to propose to Kaneki. And he knew exactly how he was gonna do it.

…That was a lie. The moment he got the idea set in his head he went straight to Googling.

  


 

Oh, jeez, those were a lot of ideas. Kaneki deserved the very very best, so he had better get scrolling! Hide cracked his knuckles and began his web browsing sesh. Occasionally memes distracted him, but for the most part he stayed on track, until….

“Hide? Hide!” A gentle hand was shaking his shoulder.

“Mmrrmph?” Hide grunted, cuddling his keyboard closer. Weird, he usually fell asleep with Kaneki in bed… Wait, Kaneki! His plan! _The computer screen!_

Hide jerked bolt upright, half asleep to pure panic in an instant. Phew, thank god, the screen was nothing more harmful than a facemorph between Pepe and Shrek. Kaneki didn’t even glance at the monitor, anxious gaze set on Hide. 

“Hide, it’s almost noon. Aren’t you missing a class right now?”

“Sh--iiIIT!” And he thought he was panicking before. Forget Kaneki, he had a dissection today!

...Well, don’t forget Kaneki. More likely he’d think about him all day and accidentally slice his finger. Point was, he had to get to class!

 

**January**

He started with something simple, but still heartwarming. He read one idea where you put the message at the bottom of the mug, and that just felt way too perfect. He couldn’t do many of those cute food ones exactly, unless he was willing to physically implant a ring in his own brain or something, but something like that would be great for a ghoul! The simpleness of it, too, reminded him of Kaneki, while still being cute enough to satisfy Hide’s own flamboyance.

One morning, after a _lot_ of crunching that hopefully went unnoticed by Kaneki, Hide managed to get their schedules to line up. He insisted the two have breakfast together, which was not especially difficult considering Kaneki’s own excitement at the morning.

Kaneki smiled contentedly as Hide chattered away, barely keeping his breakfast down. With every sip the ghoul took Hide became more visibly nervous, soon absolutely shaking with anticipation. _Yeah, keep going, holy shit I hope he says yes, this is it, that would be the last sip--_

Kaneki paused midway raising the cup to his lips as his phone buzzed. Hide sunk back in his chair slightly as Kaneki read the text, only to bolt back upright as Kaneki stood up.

“Sorry,” Kaneki said, smiling apologetically as he rose. “Something at the cafe, I have to go now.”

“And your coffee?” Hide blurted, trying to at least keep down his kicked puppy face.

Kaneki kissed him quickly. “You have the rest. See you!”

And thus Hide was left alone and utterly dejected. He took a small sip and scowled petulantly. “Eugh. Black.” Tossed the cup so it rolled across the table and let the drink spill. Winced when it fell to the floor and broke. Okay, he wanted to be angsty, but that in retrospect was a bad idea. “What- _ever._ Stupid idea anyway, probably…” At least the internet had endless suggestions. He’d get to something, eventually.

 

**February**

Hide had a new plan. It involved a knife, an empty forest, a night sky, and some alone time.

...That sounded like a homicide. It wasn’t. It was a proposal, actually, which is kind of as opposite as you can get to a murder except for giving birth, which he was also not planning. 

At any rate, this wasn’t just any proposal. This was absolutely, positively, the greatest proposal ever. The cup idea was _nothing_ compared to this.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a short walk!” Hide insisted as he guided Kaneki by the hand through a wooded area, following a path he knew extremely well in spite of it having no physical marking. “This was my favorite spot before I moved to Tokyo,” he explained as he walked, a one-sided conversation with the other who was too preoccupied with not tripping _again_ to respond with more than an occasional murmur.

“It’s so cool, the branches kind form a circle parallel to the ground, so we could play basketball and stuff faaar away from lame adults who would try to stop us from wrestling or whatever. It’s such a cool tree. I fell out of it once.” Kaneki paused to raise a disbelieving eyebrow, and Hide reluctantly relented. “Okay, a lot more than once.”

And such did their conversation continue until Hide picked up speed to a slight jog, urging Kaneki onward. “Come on, come on, this is it!” He could hardly breathe for the butterflies in his stomach. In just a few short minutes, he’d be engaged, really engaged, to the love of his life. Gosh, was that a big thing to think about. He couldn’t even believe it, really.

“Oh, Hide, it’s lovely..” Kaneki murmured, spinning slowly in the center of the small clearing. In the moonlight and slightly damp from snow his hair seem to glow, and his eyes shone with warmth. Kaneki, his beautiful Kaneki, gleaming brighter than all the stars in the sky. Hide didn’t think he’d ever been happier than he was in this moment.

When Kaneki approached his favorite tree, Hide felt as if his heart stopped. He hardly heard Kaneki’s question, asking if it was said basketball tree, over the blood roaring through his years. “Huh? Uh, y-yeah..”

Kaneki smiled as he ran his hand over the bark. Yes, come on… Then, he stopped. And, as Hide watched with his heart in his throat, he frowned.

Wait, frown? That wasn’t supposed to happen. Kaneki was supposed to never ever frown and always be happy, and this especially was not the time to frown, right?

“What-- what is it?” Hide managed to squeak out, taking jerky steps closer. Kaneki looked back at him sympathetically and sighed.

“Sorry. Just-- I’m kind of annoyed, I guess.”

“Why??” 

“Well--” Kaneki frowned heavily as he worked through his phrasing. “I mean, this is your special place and all, and some jerk had to go and vandalize it!” he finally settled on, gesturing towards the tree. There, scrawled into its worn bark, was “will you marry me? ;D”

Hide had carved the words earlier that day.

...Well, not like he was gonna admit that at this point.

“Y-yeah, jeez, what a jerk!” he burst out, joining Kaneki to scowl at the tree. “Who would do something like that? It’s, like, bad for the tree, isn’t it?”

“I suppose. Not to mention, a fairly classless proposal. I wouldn’t like to see the state of this person’s relationship now, that’s for sure.”

 _Neither would I,_ Hide thought, mentally sinking still further into the ground. He was officially the biggest idiot in the entire world ever.

“Will you be okay?” Kaneki asked, tilting his head with a stupidly concerned expression, god, he was way too sweet. “I know this place is special to you..”

“Haha, yeah, it’s no biggie.” Hide chuckled awkwardly, a small laugh of pURE SUFFERING. “I’ll be fine.” No he wouldn’t. The moment he got home, he was going to curl up under a blanket and just. Die.

 

**March**

...Until next month’s attempt, anyway! It was the month of St. Patrick’s Day, and he would like to hope that luck was now on his side, hence his current idea! Hide crouched in their backyard, poking through hell knows how much greenery in search of a single four leaf clover. What could be more romantic than Kaneki looking in the backyard, seeing something shiny, and not only seeing this genetic rarity, but an engagement ring? Answer: Nothing! It was the most romantic idea ever!

...Or, so it was in theory. Hide had been out for three hours now, and he couldn’t find one. Fucking. Four. Leaf. Clover. Like, seriously, did these things even exist or was that just a myth or something? It was like trying to find Mewtwo in a sea of Rattatas, Pidgeys, and Zubats.

(Also, _yes_ , Hide knew he looked like Spark, and yeah, that was pretty awesome, but please quit stopping him on the street to point it out. Like, seriously. Every freaking time he went outside. When would it end.)

At any rate, it was impossible. When Kaneki eventually returned from work he found Hide crouched in the backyard, covered in dirt and pounding the ground with his fists. Prompts for an explanation only brought on irritable muttering. Somehow, Kaneki managed to coax him inside and get some aloe vera on his burnt and freckled skin, and the proposal was postponed for another day.

 

 **April**  

Hide was absolutely fed up. Three times he had tried to ask his love to marry him, and thrice had he failed. This was ridiculous! It was time to stop playing around and being clever. The direct approach would have to do. 

By the time the two finished dinner on that first of the month, Kaneki was incredibly on edge. Hide _always_ pulled some sort of prank on April Fools Day, but as of yet the day has been nothing but the perfect romantic outing, as Hide took Kaneki to do all of the bookworm’s favorite things and acted ridiculously chivalrous all the while. The closest thing Hide had done to a prank so far was the initial proposal of an outing.

Kaneki had been woken that morning with gentle kisses being splattered across his face. He smiled sleepily as Hide continued to pepper them until noticing that the former was awake. The moment he caught on, Hide jumped back with a grin and raised his fist threateningly, dodging Kaneki’s extended hand.

“Whoa whoa _whoa,_ bro, that’s kind of gay, back it up!”

“Um, Hide--” 

“What? _What?_ You wanna go, huh? You wanna _go?”_

“Um, I don’t know, I gu--”

“ON A DATE WITH ME? WHOAAA SERVED APRIL FUCKING FOOLS BIYATCH.” Hide scrambled for his phone, dropped it, caught it in midair. He held up a finger to Kaneki as he flicked rapidly through his apps until, after an uncomfortable amount of silence, he finally got the airhorns playing. “OHHH SNAP!” he resumed as if the interruption hadn’t taken place. “YOU JUST GOT SO REKT.”

“Hide we have been dating for seven years I--”

“SO 

“REKT.”

Of course, that was every morning for them on April Fools Day. What was unusual was the lack of pranks following it.

Naturally, Kaneki was petrified of what must be in store.

When Hide got down one knee after this lovely dinner, poured his heart out, and asked Kaneki to marry him, the ghoul couldn’t help but laugh a little, more in relief than amusement at the actual prank.

“Um, why are you laughing.”

“Come on, Hide, you really think you can fool me after all these years?” Kaneki chuckled sweetly, a little too proud of finally catching on to a prank for once. “I get it. April fools, haha. You sure put a lot of planning into this year, I’ve gotta say!”

Hide just couldn’t say no to that sweet smile. Being laughed at right after proposing was already a bit of a damper of his old burst of confidence, so he was exactly up for struggling to clarify that no, this wasn’t a prank, and no, him saying it wasn’t a prank _also_ wasn’t a prank, and so on.

“...Haha.” Hide finally managed. Then, again, “hahahahaha….” Suddenly, a vicious burst of laughter that caused the others in the restaurant to fall silent and stare. “HA! HA! HA HA HA HA HA!” Hide ran to a wall and pounded his head against it until the two were forcibly removed from the premises.

“Were you okay back there?” Kaneki asked, arm wound with Hide’s as they walked home.

“Haha, um, yeah… just momentarily overwhelmed with how sick my pranks are, I guess.”

“Oh, good.” Kaneki smiled, so sweet and unsuspecting, and that was the story of how Hide died inside.

 

 **May**  

Okay, traditional seduction didn’t work last time, but that didn’t mean anything! That was mostly a consequence of the date, and there was no way Kaneki would react that way again. Hide doesn’t really pull many pranks during other times of the year, so this would go great.

Yes, it was the greatest idea of all time. Hide was an amazing cook, as was consistent with the rest of his Mom Friend personality, so he was certain he could achieve something truly amazing, something that would deserve Kaneki’s “I do.” He had been cooking all day, and it was all he could do not tackle his boyfriend when he at last heard the doorknob turning.

“Ka~ne~ki~!” he purred, swinging an arm around the other’s shoulders as he was still trying to get out of his coat. “I’ve gotta surprise for you.” 

Kaneki flushed with a tiny smile, always a bit self conscious under Hide’s doting affection. “What is it?” he asked as he was dragged along, before finally reaching the kitchen and seeing-- wow. Um. Oh god, that smell is awful. 

“Tada~!” Hide exclaimed with a grin, doing some jazz hands. “Enough food to feed an army, just for the two of us. Whaddoya think?”

His bright smile left Kaneki stumped, caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn’t want to, but it was better to let Hide down gently now, rather than vomit up his apparent hard work. “Hide, I’m a ghoul, remember?”

“Uh…”

“Hide, sweetie, I’ve been part ghoul since we were teenagers. I’m sorry, but I..”

“Oh. My. God.” Hide collapsed backwards with a heavy thud and Kaneki was immediately crouched over him, concerned.

“Hide? I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“I’m..” He pounded his fist into the floor. “I’m so _stupid!!”_ he yelled, sticking his arms and legs straight up in the air and wiggling them around. “Gyahhh!! Idiot idiot idiot!”

Kaneki couldn’t help but giggle in spite of himself. “No, you’re not…” he trailed off under Hide’s unimpressed glare. “Well, okay, it _was_ pretty stupid.” Kiss on the forehead. “And sweet.” Kiss on the nose. “And romantic.” Upside down kiss on the lips. “I love you.”

“...Myehn,” was all Hide managed in response, at this point more puddle than human. They didn’t speak much for a while after that.

 

 **June**  

It was time to get Kaneki a romantic meal, but this time, with a twist: it would be something he could actually _eat._ The exact process shall be left to the reader’s imagination, but, long story short, Hide acquired a human hand. Now that that small detail has been addressed, on to the stuff someone would _actually_ want to read.

Once Hide had escaped his perpetrators and returned his rental majestic stallion, he couldn’t help but grin with anticipation, the relative mundanity of the day so far further amplifying the excited anticipation of what was to come. This, he was convinced, was definitely his best idea yet. What could be more romantic than severed hand with an engagement ring on it, in a pizza box, with “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” scrawled on the lid? Answer: absolutely nothing.

As it happened, on this day Kaneki had to work late; something about “protecting humanity” or whatever; Hide couldn’t remember the details. Whatever it was, it sounded stupid and should never have taken priority over a meal with his boyfriend.

“Jerk,” Hide muttered, chucking the hand at the wall in his frustration. He quickly picked it back up, though, because if it wasn’t being eaten he may as well return it to its owner. Hopefully they wouldn’t mind him borrowing it for a while, anyway.

 

**July**

Hide thought his problem might be that he was trying to think outside the box so much. He needed something simple, something classic, like… like a blimp flying over a sports match, with a banner behind it saying “KANEKI WILL YOU MARRY ME?”!! Not even a doofus like Kaneki could miss something like that! It was perfect.

Not so perfect for his finances, though. Jesus Christ, how does anyone afford that? Screw marriage this month, he was tired. Netflix and chill would suffice for the moment.

 

**August**

As it turns out, hiding a wedding ring in an ice cube for a cute summer themed proposal was a great idea until your ghoul boyfriend chokes on it and ends up in the ER. After it was surgically removed, Hide requested the doctors not tell Kaneki what it was he had swallowed, and washed the ring of its intestinal goo. Next month for sure!

 

**September**

It was back to school for Hide, which left options for collaborative efforts. Surely, with other people helping, there was no way he could manage the degree of an individual fuck up! He came up with an idea and it was too perfect for him to not do it. He even got Yoriko to assist with the planning and organizing… which, as it turned out, was not the best idea.

“Come on, Hide, what is it?” Kaneki laughed as he was guided by the other, with Hide’s hands over his eyes. 

“Trust me, you’re gonna love it!” Hide said evasively, and.. A bit doubtfully. At this point it was getting ridiculous, and he wondered if marriage to Kaneki was even meant to be. Whatever, though! He wanted to marry Kaneki, so he was _going_ to, gosh darn it.

At last he took his hands away from Kaneki’s eyes, who then peered about curiously. The two were standing in the middle of the college’s football field facing the bleachers. Scattered across them were quite a few people, all holding large pieces of poster paper.

“Um, Hide? What..” Kaneki was cut off by Yoriko’s counting down from three, conducting the people from the base of the bleachers.

“And… go!” she said with a brilliant smile, and all the people flipped their posters. There, spelled out letter by letter, they read: 

SIT ON MY FACE KANEKI

Kaneki’s red face was in his hands, Yoriko was laughing hysterically, and Hide was throwing a full scale temper tantrum, screaming at the sky and tearing up grass. All was right in the world.

 

 **October**  

That was the last time Hide ever enlisted others’ help in his scheming. Besides, he had the perfect idea this time. It was seasonally appropriate, because that went so well before, and something he loved to do anyway: carving pumpkins! He could carve the question letter by letter in advance and display them for Kaneki to discover, maybe even with the (now rather battered) engagement ring on the stalk of a pumpkin. It was the perfect plan!

Of course, carving fourteen pumpkins would be no small task. Furthermore, Hide wasn’t exactly very good at waiting. Thus, he elected to carve them on the first day of October, to make sure he would be ready and all.

He forgot one little detail: pumpkin’s rot.

By Halloween, his beautifully carved creations were stinking and unrecognizable. He sighed as he examined them, at this point more exhausted by his failure than anything. They did well in their new job being put on Hide’s head so he could jump out and scare Kaneki, but alas, for their original purpose they had failed.

 

**November**

Hide nearly hid a ring in a fancy meal again before recalling his old disaster. Aw, fuck it. It had been nearly a year since he resolved to propose to his boyfriend, and he had thought of little else since. At this point, he figured, surely, he deserved a break.

 

**December**

It was the twentieth of the month, and Hide has not thought about proposing to Kaneki since early November. This was probably good for his blood pressure, anyway.

He yawned widely as he carefully disentangled himself from his still sleeping boyfriend. His thoughts went no deeper than getting a toothbrush in contact with his stinking mouth. Midway through this sacred process, Kaneki shuffled into the room sleepily. He slumped his face on Hide’s back from behind, leaning onto him with a faint mumble. Hide laughed quietly. 

“Come on, Kaneki, it’s a big big big day!”

“It is?” Kaneki blinked, and something like bashful understanding entered his gaze. “Oh, right…” 

“Yup! A new episode of _Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives!”_ Hide said with a wide grin around his toothbrush. Kaneki blinked, a look of obvious surprise quickly overtaken by something like… disappointment. Hide, immersed in his teeth-brushing, didn’t catch the expression.

“Oh, of course, how could I forget..” Kaneki murmured with the slightest edge to his voice. That Hide did catch, but didn’t understand and so shrugged it off as something he imagined. “Um. Can I shower first today?”

“Sure thing, bud!” Hide ruffled his boyfriend’s hair and sauntered out. Kaneki did not at all look at his boxer-clad ass as he left. Of course not. 

Hide wandered about aimlessly, munching on a toaster strudel. Sure, he had been trying to put it off, but he really should get back to work on the Kaneki proposal. After all, it must be… Yeah, definitely a little under a year since he made his resolution. He checks the date on his phone; yup, December twentieth, almost one year since--

December twentieth.

_December. twentieth._

He forgot Kaneki’s freaking birthday! Holy shit, forget being a husband, any self respecting boyfriend, or even buddy, would remember something like that!

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces come together all at once. The edge to Kaneki’s tone. His tiny pout as Hide left the bathroom. And, oh god, his showering first. Was he crying in there? Damn it, he was probably totally crying in there. Shit, shit, shi _et._ He had to do something!

But what? What could Hide possibly do that could make up for this?

...Well, he knew one thing he could do. And that would be killing two birds in one stone, at _last._

He grabbed the ringbox, sprinted into the bathroom, and promptly slipped and fell flat on his face.

...Right, okay. Definitely not as coordinated or well planned as his past attempts, but he sure as heck had Kaneki’s attention now. Kaneki stared down at him, a towel around his waist as he had just been getting dried off.

“Hide! Are you--”

“Look Kaneki.” Hide scrambled so he was on one knee. Fell forward again, caught himself, and stared up intensely at his boyfriend. “I love you more than anything--”

“Hide your nose is bleeding I don’t think--”

“--and I’d like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you--”

“--that now is really the time for this, you are--”

“--and I know I don’t need a wedding for that but I’d like to celebrate this love--”

“--bleeding a lot and it smells delicious but I don’t--”

“--and you’d look hot in a tux but that’s not the point, the point is--”

“--know how you haven’t passed out yet, so--”

“--will you marry me?”

“--of course I’ll marry you, but can we _please_ get you to a hospital?”

Hide stared up at Kaneki for a moment that seemed to last a lifetime. He could hardly believe that the moment he’d waited for for so long had finally come. 

“..Really?” he finally croaked, voice stuffy from his probably broken nose.

Kaneki smiled, and even with the worry tugging the corners of his mouth he looked absolutely _breathtaking._ “I’d love to,” he murmured, crouching to rest a hand on the other’s cheek. His face was flushed but his gaze was steady. “More than anything.”

“...Can we make love?”

“Hide are you kidding me.”

“But you see, you just agreed to marry me, and you’re only in a towel and it’s hot and steamy in here, and you’re so hot.”

“Putting those.. Whatevers, aside, you are currently bleeding to death.”

“But babe, _babe,_ it would be so good, come on--”

 _“No,_ Hide.”

“But--”

Hide passed out with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> also if they seem young for marriage because hide is in college hide is actually getting a masters because he wants to be doctor and study further into ghoul anatomy since there is relatively little research into them particularly in terms of how to care for and heal them and i will probably write a whole nother fic going into why and their domestic lives and it'll be hella gay but that is not for today because i wrote this whole fic in one sitting and i need sleep
> 
> please comment it gives me life


End file.
